Nothing could have prepared me for this.  Not those seven months of battle and ultimately acceptance that we were going to lose the war. Not the countless hours of therapy. Nothing paved the way for this unrelenting pain of having you stolen from me.

I suppose what I am experiencing can be classed as PTSD.    I just seem unable to get a handle on this life of mine.  I remain aimless and feel trapped.  I find peace, moment by moment when out in nature.  Nature is never silent, but it is devoid of mechanical noise.  It frees me to wool gather, visit our memories or merely breathe, deeply.

I listened to a song called Forever Young.  That’s you now.  I am old.  I guess that’s how it’s supposed to shake out except I won’t be old for as long as you were young.

I know you are wandering the universe. I know you are the shadow I see so often. We hear the music you and I. Those are the moments I smile.

Published by vilocr

I never quite know how to respond to the "about me" option. I am a person with all that entails. I have good days, I have bad days. I'm mostly sad wearing a smile mask. I suppose as I move along in this blog thing, more will be revealed to you and to me. I would say, first and foremost, I survive and frankly, I'm learning that's not enough.

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